Grace for the Shooter

It's hard to turn on the news anymore, because it's one scary world out there and the news always seems to make the world we live in just that much scarier. At this point I just want to take my whole family and live in a bubble. A safe bubble where we can enjoy life and are kept safe from the bad stuff. I feel that way even more now after having a child. I watch my son play so free and I love his naivety. He does not have a care in the world and does not understand that life is scary. Wish I could keep it that way. But that's not reality. As a parent we do our best to protect our kids, but it is also our job to prepare them for life on their own. Out in the real world, where evil exists and life can be taken so abruptly. 

I write all of this in light of the breaking news of the Oregon shooting that took place this past week. It seems too often these stories are reported. Since it occurred I keep thinking about all those impacted, what they must be going through, what it is like to lose a child, what is it like to have your child lash out in such a way....I just don't know. I cannot even begin to put myself in their shoes. 

 

The world grace keeps pressing on my heart.  Grace for the shooter, grace for his family and how only God's grace guarantees that when our time has come to an end on this earth we will 

live in eternity with Him. 

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10

 

Grace is unmerited favor. Cannot earn it, but is gifted to us when we ask Jesus Christ into our hearts to be Lord of our lives. I can't help wondering what kind of life Chris Harper-Mercer had. What supports were in place for him, what supports did his family have, and the list goes on. I can only imagine. I think about so many others out there who may be on the brink of doing the same thing. 

God loved Chris Harper-Mercer. God knows his story. I know God is heartbroken. God knows your story. 

 

I wonder...What is my role in all of this? What can I do differently? Why I know that living in a bubble won't help this world I live in. 

 

My first thought is my role in sharing the message of Jesus Christ, because I am a believer that a personal relationship with Jesus Christ will transform your life on earth. I believe life after this earthly life will be filled with joy and peace in heaven. I want everyone I know to experience this. 

 

As a Christian...I want to do so much. I wanna change the world and do life better. Wake up and be thankful for each day I have with the ones I love. We are not guaranteed each day. 

 

"13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15

Life is too short. I want to trust God more. Love others more. Know how blessed I am and be thankful each day. I want to change the world. Pray more. 

 

 

 

 

Jesus said--“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

 

I don't have all the answers. No one does. 

 

Worth a listen--Storycorps

 

http://www.npr.org/2015/10/02/445024863/in-the-long-shadow-of-a-hijacking-the-children-seek-a-new-peace

 

or

 

http://www.npr.org/2015/10/02/445024863/in-the-long-shadow-of-a-hijacking-the-children-seek-a-new-peace

Here I am across the country and by no means directly impacted by the events that took place on this Oregon Community College campus. But can't help but wonder what guilt does this shooter's family and friends carry? Past shooters' loved ones? How are they doing now? Do those who lost a loved one by the perpetrator reach out like Andy Downs did? How can we de-stigmatize mental health? How can our society do better with helping those who suffer mental and emotional disabilities? What is my role as a Christian? What is the church's role? Do my prayers help? Matter? I wish I could do more. 

 

I pray for those whose lives have been forever changed. Pray their hearts would find grace and forgiveness for the shooter, just as Andy Downs did for Angelia Sheer's father who suffered from mental illness. I believe in healing. As Angelia shared in her interview, "Just meeting you helped my heart and soul understand their was still love and compassion in the world even when their is so much darkness."

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 

1 Corinthians 13:13

Traffic Tickets, Death and God's grace

 *wrote this back in October--now just getting a chance to post.

It has been several weeks now since I got my traffic violation leaving work on a Friday afternoon--quite frazzled if I may add. Looking back now I wonder why I was so frazzled, it seems I have already forgotten the specifics of what had been weighing me down that day, that week, and for that matter that month. Now as I write I remember what triggered the storm and angst. About mid-September I lost a dear friend. I had been invited by phone personally to attend her funeral. As a courtesy it is my assumption that your friends and family members will pay respects by attending your funeral when you pass, but being on the receiving end and getting that personal invitation was so special. I will never forget it, nor will I ever forget my friend. I may just have to follow suit and do the same when my time comes, that is if I get advanced notice, because you never do know when death will come knocking at your door. You can tell I have just finished studying the book of Ecclesiastes where Solomon speaks about life as ‘hebel’ in Hebrew and translated into English as ‘vapor.’ Vapor being defined by Merriam-Webster as “something unsubstantial or transitory” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vapor). I know my Jewish friend would appreciate my Hebrew reference from the Old Testament.  I miss sharing my faith with her. I hope I shared enough…

That is where the whole traffic story started. A close friend passed and as I reflect back on our time together guilt began to overtake me and I felt like I had failed her and failed God. I didn't share the gospel of Jesus; I missed the opportunities to REALLY share my faith in Christ and my personal testimony. I didn't listen to the promptings and held back for fear of offending. Or did I do my best and stay true to who I am, which is a fallen flesh, but a devoted lover and follower of Christ, and a loved child of God. It was haunting me. The last visit with her I was late and all because I stayed at work later than planned. I had to go even though she didn't answer her phone. I arrived and she was fast asleep. When I walked into her room she was like a sleeping baby, peaceful and all curled up and snuggled in her bed. Just like you never wake a sleeping baby, I could not wake her. For fear of my last visit, I eventually tried. No luck. I remember an aide coming in and placing her hand on her chest, like you do when you check your baby in the crib to make sure their still breathing.  The aide said, "I just wanted to make sure she is still breathing."  She was.

I sat there in the chair across from her bed.  Playing on my I-phone, because that is what we do when we don't know how to sit still. Then I stopped. I just sat and watched her breathing, and I prayed. Prayed that she would come to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior and prayed for peace, comfort, her family, etc. I left a hand written note and headed home. That was the last time I saw her.

Driving to pick up my son from childcare that day I felt so tired, stressed, burdened.   I had been carrying a heavy weight on my shoulders and asking God why. I had been getting no answers. I guess I turned left on green yield which is allowed, but my violation of not yielding to the pedestrians walking was what was worthy of a ticket.  Not only did I not yield to the pedestrians on one occasion, but twice. That is why you are not supposed to use your cell phone while driving. Bad habit I am still trying to kick--it is truly dangerous. I was pulled over and the truth is I had no idea what I had done. Actually I knew I had just used my cell phone and that is against the law in the state I was in.  But I felt that the officer did not pull me over for that.  The short built and stern faced officer approached my window and rather abruptly said, “Mam do you know why I pulled you over?”  I honestly proceeded to say no, but shared that I had been using my cell phone. He was not too happy. I told on myself. I guess you could say I confessed. The officer asked me for my driver’s license and insurance. Of course I could not find the car insurance paperwork anywhere—or at least not a current one and to add to the mess my license had just expired. I was screwed.  The officer walked away very mad and I do not blame him, totally guilty on so many levels and all I could was sit there and pray in my seat.

I don't remember what I prayed, because I deserved the ticket. I prayed even though I had been feeling distant from God. It was the cost I was worried about. The officer came over and named each violation and how much each one should cost. The tickets totaled so somewhere around $700, but he said he would only charge me for one violation and this was saving me $550 or so. I just began to cry and tears began rolling down my face. The officer's tone and facial expressions changed. He gave me grace. Grace as described in the Bible as “unmerited favor.” Felt like in that moment in time God was telling me, “Megan I am full of grace, and all your violations have been erased--I don't even make you pay for one. Jesus Christ was sent by God to die on the cross for your sins, God's only son. We are forgiven. We just have to ask for God's forgiveness, ask Christ into our hearts, and confess in faith that He is Lord of our lives. All those life violations--sin—are and have been washed away. 'White as snow', as David says in the Psalms.  Megan only I can turn hearts to me, but you are my vessel, you are the light, and keep shining bright. You were you. I know you’re upset because I can't explain it all and unable to answer all your whys. Trust and rest in me.” That day I felt God's grace pour over me. I needed it. I was reminded to give myself some grace and that I can never earn God's grace, but that I have to ask and receive and trust. A weight lifted.

I miss you friend.

 Meg